It was a year ago that I was going through some drawers looking for a book that I had decided to read again. I was in search of empowering content that would help me find the courage to stay in the fight. I was depleted. I was desperate to read the words of a woman that was not afraid to give me the word, some tough love and HerStory. Rambling through so many books I noticed most of them were journals. Journals I have had for over 20 years. I grabbed one, sat down on the bed and started reading the first page. I could not believe it. I sat there for the next couple of hours crying my eyes out. Every word I read pierced my soul. What happened to me? My hopes and dreams for my life were crystal clear. All my blessings and curses were sitting there right in front of my face in my own handwriting. I knew better. Year after year, I would tell myself the same things and end up in the same place. The scariest and most remarkable part about what I was writing at the time is that I never lied to myself on paper. I was open and honest. I was raw and vulnerable. I could feel the pain and insecurity in my words. I was so lost and broken. I was so afraid.
I closed that journal and decided I didn’t need to reread another book. All the empowerment and encouragement I needed to stay in the fight was in the 20+ journals sprawled out in front of me. Tamekia Bynum was not about to end like this. I’m about to make this little girl inside of me proud. The first thing I did was.
1. Decide to Fight.
I had to embrace my reality. A lot of this was my fault. I couldn’t tell the difference between what was dead or alive in my life. I forgave myself and vowed to deal with the consequences of my actions. I also prepared myself to fight alone. Everyone wouldn’t understand.
2. Depend on my Faith.
All I have is Jesus, his word, and his promises. I trust His word and trace his hand. I pray and fast. I stay at his feet seeking his presence and listening for his direction. Lord, I need you.
3. Accept God’s Favor.
I never felt worthy. I never felt like I was enough. I always thought something was missing. I was never ready. I always asked God for more time. God’s love and patience for me was so overwhelming that I felt guilty for receiving it. No more. I am who He says I am. He loves me. Favor ain’t fair.
I still have a long way to go but this time I’m equipped for the trip. But what about?
What happened to that dream you had of BECOMING…. DON’T LET IT DIE!
What happened to that dream you had of STARTING…. DON’T LET IT DIE!
What happened to that dream you had of LEAVING…DON’T LET IT DIE!
You may not have journals to remind you of your past, but you do have your HerStory. Only you know the burning desires of your heart. I pray that you decide to fight and keep them alive. Keep depending on your faith and trust the favor of God on your life. You deserve it all.