Transitioning from Head to “Help”
I have been married almost 3 years and I still don’t know enough to give you any tips on the burning questions every new bride wants to know. Is it different? Do you feel different? Does he act differently? Ummmm. The answer I would give at this point would probably make you change your mind lol! The one answer I absolutely know for sure about my marriage is that it was definitely ordained by God and that my husband is my soul mate! That’s it! That’s all I know! But, because of the woman I was before I said I Do, I consider myself an expert on giving advice on how to allow God to transform your mindset about different issues or problems, and they are very different, that may happen with you during the marriage. Does that make sense? Did I go to fast? Ok, roll with me. Before I was married I was the head woman in charge, I was the person who asked and answered every question, I did exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and I had all of my priorities in my order of operations! I was a single mother of three brats and because it was so hard I vowed to make it as easy and simple as possible to live our lives to the fullest with what we had and I did just that… I was a beast! If you have questions about any of that I got you! Ok moving on… remember I said I was married? Ok, have you ever tried sharing being a beast with someone else? I know what you’re thinking: You guys should be even better together. Two is always better than one. Yep, that’s what they say and that’s really cute too! But let’s keep it real, unless the two of you think and act exactly the same, ain’t nothing cute about it. Let me explain what I mean by the “help” before I give you my advice. I was referring to when the bible stated that we would be a helper to our husbands. (Genesis 2:18) I already know some of you were rolling your neck saying, ” I ain’t nobody’s help boo!” Ha! So since I straightened that out let’s finish strong!
First things first.. You are not the “head” anymore. When you were reading the introduction to this, how many times did you notice I used the word I? I was able to freely do and say those things because I was single. This is so hard for me because I have been working since I was 14 years old, I know what works in my world! I was battling the thoughts of losing control! Not of my man, the idea of controlling a man is not what I desire, but losing control of my life is terrifying! Why would God allow me to develop all of these skills for me to marry this dude and not use them anymore? He taught me how to put my life in order, why can’t I just transfer it over? God said,” new season, new assignment, new rules!” Did he mean new as in do again? We all know that nothing God does is in vain! No matter how many assignments you have had, you were never able to do the new one properly without using skills from the last! I honestly believe that as you are moving through life if the new seasons don’t require some of the same skills from the last, then you might be going in the wrong direction! The power of being a woman is that you don’t have to showcase every skill all at once! As your husband is heading the way he wants his household to run, he is showcasing his entire portfolio, this is who I am, this is how I was raised, this is how it’s going to be done! Ok cool! Then, after it’s laid out and the days begin to pass the holes will begin to surface. Not because he is wrong, but because every master plan has holes, and he will usually not say a word but continue to move forward making a mental note that I have to find a better way to do this! As he is moving forward the holes begin to get bigger due to the lack of time he has to address them. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Power Time! You saw the holes before he laid them out! When you were sitting on the couch or laying in the bed discussing them you were burning on the inside! Is he serious? Your mama did what? We only need how much for groceries? But here’s a quick tip.. Power is quiet! Power listens! Power prays! As long as you are connected to God you will know when it’s time to start helping! You don’t have to announce it or have a meeting about it, you just start doing it! Ok, like my pastor always says when he has been preaching a while, “I’m closing now.” Your husband will recognize the changes. He will notice how smoothly things are going because of your help! It’s true that sometimes he won’t acknowledge it and that can be frustrating, just remember that God sees you! When a woman learns how to understand her power status, she’s ok with not always getting the recognition! We already know what it is(In my Silento voice)! Helping is always a blessing to the header! You are not losing grounding as you transition from heading to helping, you are gaining grace! God created you to help your husband and sometime your help will outweigh his heading but the condition of your heart will create the atmosphere for blessings for your family. Let’s allow Gods word to help transition our mindsets! I am still an independent woman! I am still in control of my life! I still have a purpose! And guess what.. You do too!